Shraddha and Tarpan in the USA: a practical guide

How to observe ancestor rites in the USA: apartment or house, finding a priest, working days, ingredients, offered food, water rules and online services.

It can be done here

Ancestor rites do not depend on the country you live in. What matters is the right tithi, a clean and calm place, sincere intention and, for a fuller Shraddha, a priest who knows the procedure. Thousands of families in the USA observe them every year, in apartments, houses and temple halls.

Traditions vary. Follow your family's custom or your priest's guidance.

Time of day in your city

The tithi at sunrise and in the afternoon depends on your city. A Shraddha date in Edison, New Jersey can differ from the same date in Houston or San Jose. Use the dates and the Kutapa and Aparahna times that this site shows for your city rather than a calendar made for India. Times are in your local clock time, including daylight saving time.

Kutapa falls near midday and Aparahna runs on into the afternoon, so a full Shraddha is usually done around midday or early afternoon, on a weekend or a day off. Tarpan alone is usually done in the morning.

On a working day

If the tithi falls on a weekday, you have several options. Ask your family elder or priest which is acceptable to you.

Take a short leave or a half day. This is common for a parent's first death anniversary.
Do Tarpan in the morning before work, then offer the cooked food for the ancestors at midday or when you return, and share it with the family.
Do the main rite on the tithi day but keep the family meal for the evening.
Some priests agree to a weekend observance if the day is impossible. This is a compromise accepted by some and not by others, and it is best to ask.

At home: apartment or house

A small corner is enough. Use a clean mat or folded cloth and a tray or plate to catch the water.
Face south for the ancestors' offering. You can use a compass app on your phone to find south.
Smoke alarms are sensitive. Use a small oil lamp (diya) on a stable plate, incense sticks for a short time, or a battery lamp, and open a window or switch on the fan. Skip camphor if a smoke alarm is close by.
If you have no garden, pour the water on a potted plant or a tree near your building.
Invite children to sit with you. Even a few minutes of telling them about the person is part of the rite.

Finding a priest or a temple

Many Hindu temples across the USA have priests who perform Shraddha and Pitru puja, often on a booking basis. Call the temple office, and ask whether they perform it at the temple, at your home, or both, and what the process is.
Priests also travel to homes in many metropolitan areas. Ask friends, your local community group or the temple.
Tell the priest your gotra, your tradition (Smarta, Vaishnava and so on), your Veda and your regional customs so that the right form is used. Ask what you need to prepare.
Book early for Pitru Paksha, since weekend slots fill up. Ask about the donation or dakshina in advance, so there are no surprises. No price is fixed here and rates vary by priest and region.
Many temples have collective Pitru Paksha programmes on weekends. If you cannot do it at home, this is a good option.

Ingredients and substitutes

Item	Where to find it in the USA	If you cannot find it
Black sesame (til)	Indian grocery stores, many health stores, online stores	White sesame or plain water
Kusha or darbha	Indian stores, temple supply shops and online stores (it is often sold dry)	Durva grass, clean and untreated, if your tradition allows
Barley (jau)	Indian stores and many supermarkets (hulled or pearled barley, or barley flour)	Rice, which many families accept
Ghee, honey, milk	Any supermarket	None needed
Leaf plates, banana leaf	Indian stores, often frozen	Clean steel or ceramic plates, or paper plates
Copper or steel vessel	Indian stores, online	A clean stainless steel bowl
Cow for feeding	Often not available	Donate to a gaushala or a charity, or feed birds

A satvik menu

The food offered to ancestors is plain, vegetarian and prepared with care. Many families cook, without onion and garlic, a menu like this:

Rice and a simple dal (mung or toor, for example) or a kadhi.
One or two vegetable dishes, such as pumpkin, potato, green beans and bottle gourd, according to what the family uses.
Kheer or another milk-based sweet, often the dish the person loved most.
Puri, roti or papad, curd and a salad, depending on family custom.
Food items the person particularly liked, as long as they are vegetarian, are a dear touch.

For families that eat non-vegetarian food in daily life, the offering for ancestors is usually vegetarian, though a few communities have their own customs. See the answers in the frequently asked questions.

What to do with the offered food

After the offering is made, a portion is set aside for a cow, a crow or other birds, and a dog. Then the family eats, and guests or priests are served first if present. Take some food to a neighbour or to someone in need. Leftovers are not wasted. The food is considered prasad.

If you cannot feed a cow or a crow, scatter the portion in a garden or a park where birds feed (check the rules for the place), give it to a gaushala, or share with someone who needs a meal.

What to do instead of immersion in a river

In India, pindas and the water of Tarpan are often released in a flowing river. In the USA, rules for waterways differ by state, county and park, and some prohibit throwing food or items into water. Check local rules before you do this. Safe alternatives are:

Pour the Tarpan water at the base of a tree or plant in your garden or a pot.
Collect the water in a container and pour it onto soil afterwards.
Place pindas on a plate in a garden for birds, or bury them in soil at the foot of a tree.
Give them to a priest or temple who has a way of handling them.

Ashes and legal matters

The immersion or scattering of a person's ashes is a separate matter. In the USA it is controlled by state, county and federal rules that differ by place and by waterway. Ask the funeral home, the county office, or the park or water authority before you go. This site does not give legal advice.

Online services and their limits

Several temples and companies offer Pitru Puja, Shraddha, Tarpan and Gaya Pind Daan online, with a priest in India or the USA acting on your behalf and a video link or recording. These can be a comfort when travel, health or family circumstances make an in-person rite impossible. Some limits to keep in mind:

Many priests prefer that the descendant takes part personally. A proxy is acceptable to many families, but not to all.
Ask how the priest will say your name and gotra, which ritual will be done, and what you can do yourself on your side, such as a simple Tarpan.
Check who the priest is and what the fee covers. Do not pay in a rush, and be careful with any service that promises results.

A later trip to India

Many families plan a Gaya Shraddha during a visit to India. The traditional peak is Pitru Paksha, but pilgrimage is also done in other months. See the guides to Gaya, Varanasi, Prayagraj and other places. Until then, keep up whatever you can at home. A simple Tarpan done sincerely is always valid.