Bhai Dooj (Bhau Beej)

About

Bhai Dooj is observed on Kartika Shukla Dwitiya, the second day of the bright half of Kartika. It follows Govardhan Puja and closes the Diwali season. Bhai = brother, dooj = the second lunar day. Sisters apply a tilak (a mark of kumkum) on their brothers' foreheads, offer sweets and pray for their well-being and long life. Brothers give gifts and promise protection and care.

The festival is a gentle companion to Raksha Bandhan. Where Raksha Bandhan is a day of the rakhi thread, Bhai Dooj is a day of tilak and a shared meal.

Significance and stories

The best-known story is of Yama, the lord of death, and his sister Yamuna, the river goddess. They were children of Surya, the sun. Yamuna had often invited her brother to visit, but Yama was always busy. On the second day of the bright half of Kartika he finally came to her home. Yamuna welcomed him with a tilak, a garland, a lamp and a lovingly cooked meal. Yama was so touched that he granted her a boon: any brother who receives a tilak from his sister on this day, and eats at her house, will be free from fear of untimely death. This is why the day is also called Yama Dwitiya.

Another story says that Krishna visited his sister Subhadra after defeating the demon Narakasura, and she welcomed him with a tilak, sweets and flowers.

How to observe (puja vidhi)

1. The sister bathes and prepares a small tray (thali) with kumkum, rice, a lamp, flowers, sweets and a coconut or dry fruit.
2. The brother is seated facing a set direction in many families, with a cloth over his head or a cap if the family follows that custom.
3. The sister applies a tilak of kumkum and rice grains on his forehead, often with chandan or curd. She does an aarti by waving the lamp in front of him.
4. She ties or places a thread or flower in some families, and offers a sweet from her hand.
5. She prays for his long life, health and happiness. The brother touches her feet if she is older, or receives her blessing.
6. The brother gives a gift or money as a token of love.
7. They share a meal. In many families the sister cooks the brother's favourite dishes.
8. The tilak is best applied in the afternoon (the aparahna period of the day). Traditions vary; follow your family's custom or your priest's guidance.

Puja items (samagri)

• A plate or thali
• Kumkum, rice grains (akshata), chandan or curd for the tilak
• A lamp (diya), incense and camphor
• Flowers, a coconut or a sweet
• Roli-moli thread, if your tradition uses it
• Sweets and a small gift

Fasting and food

In many families the sister keeps a light fast until the tilak is done, but this is not universal. Brothers often eat the meal their sister has cooked. The dishes vary by region, and may include puri, kheer, halwa and a favourite vegetable dish. Anyone with a health condition should follow their doctor's advice and may keep a lighter fast or none.

Regional customs

In Maharashtra and Goa it is Bhau Beej, and brothers are often fed by sisters with a special meal. In Bengal it is Bhai Phota, when the sister applies sandalwood paste (phota) on his forehead and says a short rhyme, then serves a feast. In Nepal, the festival is Bhai Tika, the last day of Tihar, when sisters apply a multicoloured tika and a garland of marigold. In Gujarat, it is Bhai Beej. In parts of North India, a dry coconut is part of the tilak thali, and Yama and Yamuna are remembered in the prayers. In some places brothers go to the sister's home, while in others the sister visits. Many people also take a dip in the Yamuna at Mathura (Vishram Ghat) on this day.

Celebrating in the USA

If a brother and sister live in different cities, a video call with a tilak applied on a photo or on a small plate works as an expression of love. Some families mail a tilak kit or a sweet box ahead of time. When the brother is near, the sister can invite him for dinner after work, since the tilak is traditionally in the afternoon, so a short ritual at lunch or an early evening version is reasonable if schedules are tight. Children who live in the USA often like to make a handmade card. Indian grocery stores sell ready tilak sets and sweets close to the festival.